It was a year ago that my wife died.  Passed on, passed away or departed, some would say, but there really is no pleasant way to say it.  And though I’ve tried not to become emotional about dates on a calendar, anyone and everyone who’s lost someone they love knows how it feels when that “first” birthday, anniversary or Hallmark holiday rolls around.  The memories and grief can be heartbreaking, and it’s hard for your friends and family to know what to do or say.

Grief lasts as long as it lasts. Although this statement may not seem helpful to you, it is true. It is different for each person. It is important to realize that, while grief and its intensity will subside, most find that it is replaced with a “sweet sadness” that comes at times of remembrance. This is simply the acknowledgement that significant loss has occurred. That the loss, and the person who is gone, matters and affects our lives.

Following a death or loss, you may feel empty and numb, as if you are in shock. You may notice physical changes such as trembling, nausea, trouble breathing, muscle weakness, dry mouth, or trouble sleeping and eating.

Feelings of deep sadness and sorrow are common in grief. These and other feelings and thoughts are common. Often, people find themselves engaging in behaviors that are different or unusual, or thinking in ways that are unfamiliar and disturbing. Finding their beliefs challenged in grief, many people experience a kind of “spiritual crisis” following loss.

In celebration of our Nation’s Independence Day and to remember those who have passed on fighting for our freedom, the following are some fun and interesting historical facts:

• The Fourth of July is the federal holiday in the United States that celebrates the country’s adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, 1776.  On this day, the colonies declared their independence from Great Britian and the king’s rule.

Volunteers often go over looked in small-town farm communities, whether they are the house-wife, the retiree, or just the concerned citizen – there are no parades in their honor, no streamers or balloons.  Yet – every Volunteer I’ve ever met says, ‘That’s OK, I get more than I could ever give.’

I think Erma Bombeck put it best when she wrote “So Long Volunteers”

“I had a dream the other night that every volunteer in this land had set sail for another country. I stood smiling on the pier, shouting, “Good-bye, phone committees. God-bye disease-of-the mon. No more getting out the vote. No more playground duty, bake sales, rummage sales, thrift shops, and three-hour meetings.”

Young people need as much time to grieve after the death of someone close, whether they show it or not. The most common issue for a parent is that the child doesn’t ‘seem’ to be distressed so they don’t want to upset them. Children are in a world where they are used to not having control over things and therefore often accept things quicker that doesn’t mean that it is ok with them though. Their feelings can be hidden from people, the child often watches the grown up to see how they are ‘supposed’ to react. It is a very confusing and painful time for a child and they can feel very uncertain of everything. A hug and a honesty is often the best way to help the child cope. However if your in much pain yourself then this can be very difficult.

For children who loose someone close to them, it can be an overwhelming to figure out how to pick up the pieces of their life one day at a time.  Recently in my own world I’ve watched my neighbors struggle with this after the loss of a parent.  So it made me incredibly proud to be a part of an agency that recognizes the unique grief that these children are going through at this time, and invite them to our 2010 Camp BEARable for kids.

Here are some facts about Camp BEARable:

• State of the Heart Hospice offers grief support for children

Continuing on in our Music Therapy Theme, I thought it would be a change of pace to just list off some facts and myths about Music Therapy.  Enjoy!

• Music Therapy is part of the special care that is hospice.  It assists the clinical side of hospice and the bereavement side of hospice care.
• Music therapy is an established health care profession that uses music to address physical, emotional, cognitive and social needs of individuals of all ages.
• Music therapists for hospice are board-certified professionals. They are certified to determine strategies for pain relief and emotional care.

When I first started my journey with State of the Heart Hospice, I was introduced to all the various disciplines, Nursing, Hospice Aides, Chaplain Services, Bereavement Specialists, who all work together to provide a cocoon of support for both the patient and family, it seemed odd that the final discipline I should meet with would be Music Therapy.  Knowing nothing about the amazing effect music can have on the brain outside of  ’ Hey, that’s a cool song’, I admit to thinking of it as some weird New-Age mysticism.  I was soon humbled.

As we all prepare for barbecues, holiday sales and the three-day weekend ahead, its important to remind ourselves why we celebrate this weekend at all.  Memorial day is a time to remember soldiers, friends, family, and all loved ones who have passed, celebrate their lives this weekend, below are some historical facts* about Memorial Day.

• Memorial Day, originally called Decoration Day, is a day of remembrance for those who have died in our nation’s service.
• Waterloo N.Y. was officially declared the birthplace of Memorial Day by President Lyndon Johnson in May 1966.